man the crazy thing about babies is that like, some people would think that reading a baby a book about farm animals is teaching them about farm animals, but really it’s teaching them about the concept of a book and how there’s new information on each page of a single object, but really, beyond that, it’s teaching them how language works, and beyond that it’s really actually teaching them about human interaction, and really really it’s them learning about existing in a three-dimensional space and how they can navigate that space, but actually, above all it is teaching them that mama loves them.
More you might like
cast fat people in normal roles that do not revolve around being fat/ridiculed, I dare you
Avengers: Infinity War was pushed forward a week so it wouldn’t compete with Deadpool. Avengers: Endgame has been pushed forward a week so as not to complete with Detective Pikachu. Ryan Reynolds may be much more powerful than first thought.
What in the world is a U.S. official doing advising a foreign leader on how to escape blame for the murder of a U.S. national, a crime so repulsive that a bipartisan push is underway in Congress to enact sanctions and end arms sales to the Saudis?
I’m about to have a fun afternoon.
So my trainer’s bf cheated on her. She broke up with him. He’s holding her stuff hostage until she agrees to talk with him. Which she refuses.
She trains; for free mind you; three college linebackers, a college wrestler, two martial artists, a body builder, and… wait for it…. a Navy seal. We’re gonna go get her shit for her.
This should make for an interesting story.
So everyone who commented on this being like the avengers, you are absolutely right. That’s what all of us had in our heads as we were rolling over to dude’s house. But I’m very proud to say, this ended without violence.
Arrival:
So the super friends all jumped into one of the linebacker’s explorer and headed over to dude’s house. Ok the squad: you all know me, but the other martial artist is a little wirey hapkido guy, the linebackers are all giants (an estimated combined weight of I’d say 750-800lbs), the wrestler looks like an escaped gorilla, then the navy seal looks like your average guy but something about him is unsettling. Really unsettling. Unfortunately, the body builder had to work. Anyway, we send the Hapkido guy and the wrestler to the door first and dude answers, screams at them, and then slams the door in their face. Then the giant linebackers head over and they ring the door bell again. Lo and behold, he was much more polite, but still denied access. Finally, me and the seal join the fray. I casually make my way towards the front of the group, but the seal decides to CLIMB THE BANISTER. We all just turned and started at him completely shocked when dude answers the door. He looks at this weird mismatched group of relatively threatening individuals and one guy perched on his banister like batman. He was like “FINE. Go take what you’re looking for.”
Retrieval:
So we’re all walking through the house gathering what we think are her things and putting them into two boxes. Mind you. We are completely guessing. We didn’t even tell her we were coming, therefore we had no list of items.The only one really being productive was Hapkido, who was legitimately looking for stuff. The linebackers were just randomly picking up furniture, turning it over, and putting it back down. Just showing off how strong they were. In case the numbers game wasn’t enough, I guess they were letting him know they could break him if they wanted to. The seal was just shadowing dude in his own house. Walking behind him, not saying much, just being creepy. Then there’s me. Who was causing general mischief…. He said to take what I was looking for, that’s what I was looking for. Ahaha and the wrestler made a fricken sandwich. Because “you guys look like you have it under control, and I’m a sucker for egg salad.” We were in and out in 15 minutes.
Delivery:
So the autobots rolled out and headed towards homegirl’s spot. She was conveniently outside when we rolled up. We got out and she was like, how do you all even know each other. The truth is, we don’t. She sent us all an email once and didn’t blind copy us all. She vented to all of us about dude holding onto her stuff and we started emailing and that was that. We told her that we went to see her ex. “OMG what did you say to him?” Nothing. We’re not messenger boys. We’re delivery boys. And we gave her her boxes of stuff. She went through the first box and said that was most of her stuff. Then she got to my box and asked “Wtf is all that shit.” So I explained that I took all the batteries out of his remote controls, his deodorant, the light bulb out of his master closet, every pair of dress socks that I could find, the laces out of his running shoes, and all the toilet paper in the house. The guys just looked at me and kind of nodded like they were impressed. She then unexpectedly started CRYING and thanked us. So you have this group of meat heads all standing awkwardly with this weeping trainer. It was quiet for a second when the seal was like “So…. chipoltle?” And we all got burrito bowls.
What a great day.
This is literally the most beautiful and thrilling tale. Start to finish.
I am almost in tears I am laughing so hard. This is beautiful. I can’t believe you took all the toilet paper. I’m dying. Help. It sounds like the start of a joke: two martial artists, a wrestler, two linebackers and a Navy Seal walk into a Chipotle.
I have reblogged this a dozen times and I will reblog it a dozen more.
This needs reblogging. I’ve read this before, but it’s still priceless.
I don’t reblog this amazing piece of human cooperation, assume I’m dead
IT’S BACK!!!!!
Some make this into a comic!!!
Friendly reminder that kids need access to good school lunches because it will provide them with needed nutrients and will help their performance and overall health, NOT because it will “prevent obesity”. We are allowed to be angry about Trump rolling back school lunch regulations without being fatphobic and without body shaming.
Healthy eating should be for actual health, not for trying to attain a single body type.
Maybe, maybe, maybe
Maybe the fog is the abyss trying to hug.
Maybe the gloom is the darkness trying to comfort.
Maybe the howling wind is a far away ghost saying hello.
Maybe the grim feeling is the dark’s way of saying you’re not alone.
Maybe the creaking floor is the home’s way of saying it is here to listen.
If your child’s grades are dropping
DO NOT:
- Yell at them for three hours
- Take away their devices and look through them
- Make them sit in their rooms in silent and do their homework alone
- Side with the teacher and not get your child’s side of the story
- Tell them that their grades are the most important thing they should worry about
INSTEAD:
- Ask if they’re having trouble with other students or teachers
- Sit down with them and help them with what they don’t understand
- Speak calmly instead of yelling
- Don’t invade their privacy by looking through their devices
- Don’t take away their hobbies as punishment
- Never make them feel unsafe or unable to trust you
This has been a message from a struggling high school junior that wishes their own parents actually did this stuff.
Bonus: Don’t look through their freaking backpacks. Chances are they know damn well they have loads of unfinished papers and the stress of knowing is so overwhelming they don’t even wanna look at it.
Don’t: Ask them over and over why they aren’t doing their work when they tell you they “don’t know.” They really, actually do not know. It is your job as a parent to help them figure that out, not to simply repeat that they should know, and that they’re very smart because when they do the work they get good grades. They know that. Odds are they’re as frustrated as you about it.
Instead: Ask what they would do if they no longer had to worry about school or schoolwork. If someone had asked me this when I was in high school I probably would have burst into tears. Your kid will try to tell you for probably years what they’re thinking and feeling, until they realize that you don’t care and aren’t going to help them figure it out. Don’t let it get to that point.
